One Year Ago Today

Today is the day. It's the one year marker of our being a family. So tomorrow is the official Adoption Day (09-09-09 - cool) but today is the day we met for the first time. All day today I've been having really specific memories of this day last year. I was so jet-lagged, so excited, so afraid, and then so immediately smitten when Joaquin walked into the room for the first time. He was teeny weeny, with a little blue jumpsuit on and his little canvas shoes. He was afraid too, but curious. I think it was stimulus overload for him just to have ridden in a car and been out in the bustling and chaotic public streets of China, most likely for the first time. He was pretty close to exhaustion by the time he met mom. We bonded with a doodle-board I brought along, and a board book with soft animal textures. He just wailed when we took official photos for his adoption portfolio and left the building together (basically the equivalent of a City Hall). But what I remember most was that while he was crying, he took his little fingers and rubbed them back and forth across the texture of my blouse. That was the moment when I knew we would be fine, and that he would be adaptable. He knew how to seek comfort through texture and touch. He fell asleep in my arms on the bus and I was mesmerized. He stank really badly too. When we got back to our hotel, largely because of the stench, I thought I'd try to get him in the tub. He loved it and laughed out loud, giggled (!), and it was another moment that I felt a sigh of relief. He was alert and smart and knew how to laugh and we both started relaxing into being a family. Not surprisingly now, he went about the business of figuring out what the toilet was for and what made it flush. What made the lights go on and off? How do things function?? Whenever he would begin to be anxious or grumpy those first couple of weeks in China, I'd try to get him either to the bathtub or a swimming pool, and he would calm right down and enjoy himself.

Flash forward to today. He generally wakes me up in the morning, either to show me his imitation of being an airplane or asking to read a book or to "watch this," ie. an Elmo DVD. Or to inform me, "no bath today." His English comprehension is coming right along, he loves school, he is very social, we already had his first cleft palate surgery last January, two more to go in the future and we'll be all set. He loves his family and circle of friends, and they adore him. He has buddies - Blake, Eric, Noah, Stella, Owen, Eli, Ashley, Cole - and Grandpa "Bee-Pa" and an adopted Grandma "Noni" and too many Aunts and Uncles to count. He goes on boat rides and takes swimming lessons and goes camping and will start playing his first organized sport, soccer, next week. He is familiar with being in "time out" but most days would rather please his Mommy more than get into trouble. He has learned that "I'm sorry" generally gets a favorable response and has taken to really over-using it! He is just the past couple of weeks figuring out that adjectives go with nouns - big blue truck, red balloon, cold popsicle, etc. etc. He loves to sing, his favorite tune is Twinkle Twinkle. He has brought joy to so many people.

The greatest gift for me in having Joaquin as my son has been that I have really come to trust my life and my place in it. Adopting Joaquin has been the best experience of my life. I don't believe it was a decision I made. I believe it was a gift I was led to. I remember the day I received the referral for Joaquin ("referral" meaning the agency gave me minimal health information about him, including a blurry photo, and asked if I'd be willing to adopt him, after almost two years of paperwork and bureucratic hoop-jumping). I was overwhelmed and terrified the first couple of hours, pouring over the information, trying to "make my decision." Then I slowed down and prayed and realized there was no decision to make. It wasn't even about a decision. This was my child. Coming to be a family with Joaquin has been the most spiritual experience of my life. The idea of adopting him was planted in my mind for years and years before this all came to fruition. And now, I see doors opening again and again in our favor - big and small - and I know in my bones that God, a higher power, the connective tissue of the universe, whatever words one can use to try and grasp it - planned this out and continues to plot for our highest good. I know it. This may sound cliche but I don't really care. The end result of a long journey of not knowing what the outcome would be has been better than my greatest hope.

Then again we really are just beginning. I have so much to learn with him and from him. That I know. I still feel like such a rookie. What's helped a lot is hearing other parents talk about how clueless they feel, the trial and errors, especially the errors. I aspire to be more like some of my friends and family who get to a place of "this is life, I roll with it." I'm learning to roll yet I do worry quite a bit. It helps when I remember what I know from what I wrote above. This whole situation is way bigger than me. I just have to show up and keep practicing. That's basically the mantra I share with my clients, and I believe it. 99% of life is just showing up.

Enough philosophy for today. The marker of our first year together is here!!! Finally!!!