Mother's Day Edition

O.k., it is well beyond Mother's Day, but that in and of itself tells the tale. I'm just glad to be writing when I'm able and not too fatigued at the end of the day... I continue to have moments from time to time when I am overwhelmed with gratefulness for this little tike. I'm his mom. It is sinking in now, after almost nine months together, that I get to be his mom, forever! I do think about his birth mom from time to time, moreso lately for some reason. I believe that she didn't want to give him up, and that it will be a grief that is always with her. So I send her positive thoughts, reassuring thoughts. I send her thoughts that he is doing amazingly well, that he has access to and has already benefited from great medical care, that he is surrounded by people who love him, that he has an amazing personality, that all is well. His default mood is happy. He loves to giggle and sets up scenarios daily for me to tickle him. He is generous and sensitive to others. He's also a little firecracker and doesn't let others take advantage of him. He is curious and loves to learn. He takes care of himself. This weekend I came into his room after his nap to find that he had a minor potty accident during nap - he got a diaper and new pair of pants out of the drawer and took care of it himself (?!). He loves to be outside ("park!"). He is social and loves his little friends: Owen, Eli, Blake, Eric, Noah, Stella, Dominic, Shawn, Laini, etc. etc. He hugs his friends in the a.m. when we get to daycare. He pushes limits. He laps up positive attention. He eats oranges in the car almost every day. He shows off to his Tia's and Tio's (Aunts and Uncles) - Vilma, Marianna, David, Isa, Yamel, Kris, Jamie, Chris, Dennis, Betsy, Becky. He loves his Bee-Pa (Grandpa). When Bee-Pa was sick a few weeks ago, he figured it out very quickly, went to his backpack, pulled out his treasured blanket and stuffed dog (named "Meow," don't ask) and put them in bed next to Bee-Pa. He is a treasure and truly the light of my life. I wake up in the morning and can't wait to get him out of bed. Even when he wakes up at 2:00 a.m. and just wants to chat, I still find in the middle of my irritation that I am smiling. I want him to slow down, stop growing so quickly, I want to catch everything and preserve it in my memory, yet time keeps steadily marching on. It's time for another formal photo. Time to write more, take more video. I have to remind myself that I can't "catch" everything, just need to flow with it. I am so so grateful for this little one. So I guess I want his birth family, and his birth mom, to have a sense of this, even though we will never meet. I believe that on some spiritual plain, they know that all is well. So I dedicate this entry to them and will always remember them and send them good wishes. The upside of not knowing the circumstances of his birth family is that I get to fill in the blanks myself. Joaquin will get to do that as well. By the time he is old enough to do so, I hope my philosophy will have rubbed off on him enough so that he will know that what we choose to believe about our life circumstances is more important than what actually happens. We decide if life is a tragedy or a comedy or meaningful or meaningless. My hunch is, knowing his character, he will choose a compassionate, meaningful route. He'll choose love.

P.S. Bee-Pa sent a bouquet of flowers with a card signed by Joaquin for Mother's Day, it was the best bouquet I've ever received. Who knew I'd be a mom? I still vacillate between really understanding it. I'm a mom. Joaquin's mom! I hit the jackpot. I'm so grateful, words don't really approach it.