Kindergarten Eve

My little guy goes off to Kindergarten tomorrow morning. If all goes as planned, he will get on the big yellow bus (I will trail him in my car unbeknownst to him), get off at school and be ushered into his classroom. I'll pick him up after school each day.

Ohhh, my heart hurts. All day I've been looking at him with the eyes I used to use in the beginning, when he first came home. Just drinking him in. How can he be marching off to school, five days a week? I'm so fortunate we've been able to spend a minimum of three to four days together these past two years. Preschool was great, but it also wasn't quite full time. Five full days seems like an awfully long time to be apart. I know he's ready. Me? It feels like a big transition. He'll be spending most of his waking hours now apart from me. Waaaaaahhh!

His last day of preschool was earlier this week. Not a dry eye among the staff. They really loved him and cared for him. I literally spent not one second worried about his care. What a gift to me. I posted the letter I wrote to all staff (see previous post). Also wrote one to his beloved lead teacher, Ms. Margaret. Brought a pie for the staff. It was a good ending. J looked at me when I started to cry with everybody at the end, and kept saying, "Mommy, are you tired?" Makes sense, that's what grown-ups usually say when little ones are crying - "He's so tired," etc. etc. I just told him I was "letting the sad out."

We went to a welcome bar-b-que at Border Star Montessori on Friday night, got to meet his teacher, see his classroom, and run around with all the other kids. This child is so at home in any social gathering; I don't know why I continue to be surprised by this. He was all jazzed up when he met his teacher, running around the room touching everything, which is not the Montessori way until you receive a lesson. Ah well, he'll learn.

I labeled his name all over his backpack, clothes, etc. He'll have a picture of us on his backpack, his teacher's name pinned to his back. I am feeling numb. He is over the moon about riding the bus, I hope the feeling lasts! We put together a chain link a couple weeks ago, each link signifying the days until he got to go to his new school. Every night, we'd take off one link. That was a nifty little tool. No more chain left tonight.

Today we went to the KC zoo with Allison & Stella, got to see the new polar bear (Nikita). He loved it, very chatty afterward about the "big white bear" standing up for his fish snack. Uggghhh, my heart hurts.

I thought this entry would be poetic, recounting meaningful moments leading to this day. Ugggghh. Mainly I'm just numb. Let's hope Mommy can sleep. We went for J's last booster shots with Dr. Scott Collitin on Friday. They gave J a little "back to school" bag, complete with a book entitled, "The Night Before Kindergarten." Well, the gist of the book is that the parents have a much harder time leaving the kids than the other way around. Somebody knew exactly what they were talking about when they wrote that book!

My main hope, wish, and prayer is that he will be safe, well cared for, make friends, be healthy, etc. Your basic classic wishes of a parent. First day, my main wish is make it to that classroom safe and sound and remember how to do it tomorrow!

Beginning of last week I was freaking out about whether to let him ride the bus or not. Special thanks go to Ms. Margaret and my Dad for encouraging me to not hold him back just because I may be apprehensive. Dad reminded me I was put on the bus as a kindergartner and somehow all turned out well in my life. Ms. Margaret had great advice: let him try new things. If it doesn't work, fine, but he will know I didn't hold him back from trying. I'm encouraging his own development, and trailing him in the car is more about me than him. Apparently this same tug between protecting my son and encouraging his freedom will play out about a thousand more times over the years. Groovy. I'm glad we're just going to practice putting him out there. Shoot, I was hopping on planes to go half way around the world before I was twenty. I want him to have that option too, and to choose to go, even when he's afraid. Last week we were at the City Market. They have a little "train" for kids there to ride around the market. Trick is, your parent can't come with you, the train cars are too small. He decided he wanted to go, then backed out. We went on to shop in the market, but J couldn't get over it, he just wept quietly, and said he wanted to go back to the train. So back we went. This time, he was still afraid, but he got in that little car and off he went. Went he came back, he was obviously thrilled with himself and I heaped on the praise, telling him he is "really good at trying new things, even when you're scared." I hope that sticks tomorrow with the bus. If not, we'll try again later. Touche!